Morass

When I first came across the word “morass” as a teenager, I thought it was a dirty expression misspelled. And because I was brought up never to say dirty words or expressions on pain of a mouth washed out with soap, I made it a point to avoid the word in my vocabulary at all costs. All because it never occurred to me that the two-syllable word was supposed to read mo-RASS, with the last syllable accentuated, and not mor-ass — equal accentuation on both syllables. As such, at a tender age I was thus deprived of enriching myself in the English language, and all because I had a dirty mind.

Even today, at a not-so-tender age, I continue to avoid the word, thanks to what psychologists and ethologists call “imprinting”, that is, ” . . . any kind of phase-sensitive learning [learning occurring at a particular age or a particular life stage] that is rapid and apparently independent of the consequences of behavior. It was first used to describe situations in which an animal or person learns the characteristics of some stimulus, which is therefore said to be ‘imprinted’ onto the subject. Imprinting is hypothesized to have a critical period.”*

In other words, at a critical period in my life (that would be puberty in this case), because of an adolescent misunderstanding of a perfectly legitimate noun accepted in all noteworthy dictionaries, I was doomed forever to associate it with an erotic connotation of either getting plenty or not getting enough whoop-dee-doo, so to speak (“whoop-dee-doo” defined as “an exclamation indicating excitement or enthusiasm; a commotion or frenzy of activity or excitement”, also sometimes considered a euphemism for intimate conjugation, which in itself can also be a euphemism for either the cozy inflection of verbs, or for raunchy sex . . . I, however, refer to the latter).

And because of the alleged imprinting upon my malleable pubescent brain, today, more than a half century later, I will never use the word “morass” in mixed company, nor, for that matter, in unmixed company for fear of receiving either an arched brow or a salacious chuckle. I will invariably insert the word “quagmire” in its stead, and hope to God that someone a little on the doltish side doesn’t ask me what “quagmire” means. As an adjective, the only word that will invariably pop to mind is “morassy”, and you can well imagine what I’m up against with that!

Steve Pulley
23/24/2016

*Wikipedia